Category Archives: Overheard

Nerds

“That narrator sounds familiar.”

“It sounds like James Earl Jones.”

“Yeah. But British.”

(half an hour later)

“Oh, it’s Timothy Dalton.”

“Like I said, the British James Earl Jones.”

“Except not black.”

“I said he was British.”

“So, the Time Lords are evil now.”

“Well, they’re lead by Timothy Dalton, so yeah.”

Nerds.

Advertisements

Mystery

Do you ever miss the way things were when you first start dating someone?  Do you miss discovering new things about your partner every day?  Do you miss not knowing what they look like when they’ve woken up hungover or sick?

No matter what anyone says, there comes a point in every relationship when the mystery is completely gone.  Brian and I have been together for almost nine years (married almost three) and I think it’s safe to say that we have reached a level of comfort with each other that is scary.  Here are a few examples just from the last week, enjoy a close up view of our relationship.

We’re laying together in bed, after the baby is in her crib for the night but before we’re ready to go to sleep.  It’s something of a ritual for us to just be there talking nonsense for awhile (I have horrible insomnia).  As we were laughing about something probably really stupid, Brian lets out this massive fart

ASIDE: Anyone who says they aren’t comfortable farting in front of their partner is lying!  It is not possible to be in a relationship with someone for longer than a few months without needing to pass gas while in their presence and personally, I don’t enjoy the feeling of unreleased gas building up in my digestive system.  /END ASIDE

So, Brian farted I said, “What the hell is in your ass?  A brass band?”  It was a trumpet fart, for sure.

Confession: I actually enjoy being naked.  I don’t really like the way I look, but I just don’t like having clothes on all the time.  I am not, however, someone who would ever consider going out in public that way.  I have no problem with nudists, I just am not an exhibitionist in that way.  But, years of not living with parents or roommates – Brian doesn’t count – has left me with a rather difficult habit to break.  I’m not saying that whenever I am at home that I take all my clothes off, but it has been known to occur.  I think I’ll stop talking about the naked thing now…

So, last night, as I was getting changed for bed – yes, I do wear pajamas on occasion – I was having one of those ick I feel fat and disgusting moments.  We had just gotten back from the baseball game where I indulged in a beer and a massive reuben (with bread, so blech) and chips (double blech).  And I also hadn’t done laundry, so the only underwear I had clean were the too big granny-panties that I had bought when I was in my third trimester.  This whole situation begged the question:

“How can you still want to have sex with me when you see me wearing these panties?”

Yeah, yeah.  I know I have a self-confidence problem

Tonight, after Brian had come back from the laundry room – remember no underwear all I had to wear was granny panties and lace thongs (uncomfortable!) – he sat down on the couch.  At this point he was just wearing his t-shirt and boxer shirts

“You didn’t go to the laundry room with no pants on, did you?”

“No.”

“Because I didn’t notice and didn’t even think to check.”  Yes, I sometimes think Brian would go out in public without pants on, but only because he’s absent-minded sometimes and might forget.

“Do chicks like naked penises?”

“Um.  No.”

“I’ll keep my pants on.”

And this exchanged transpired right as was sitting down to write; I thought it was fitting.

Further Late Night Tidbits

Last night, Brian and I were discussing the upcoming Trivia Night I want to attend (Julie, if you are reading this, yes I’m coming I’m just a forgetful bum and I haven’t messaged you). It will be, in all likelihood my first real trip out sans baby. Because we are on a tight budget until we can get some of our finances straightened out, we decided that only one of us would go and, so that Lorelei doesn’t have a freak out like she does when she is awake past eight pm, the other person would stay home with her. A little bit more exposition for you: we’re finally going to get a joint checking account and since I haven’t worked since August, I have many checks sitting unused in a box. A lot of checks. Because I had just spent thirty bucks to buy the cute Humane Society kitty and puppy checks maybe two months before I quit working.

Everyone still with me?

So, Brian says he would write a check for me for the entrance fee but then I said I could do it because, duh, I have a million checks and I actually have money in my account right now. Then I got the crazy idea that I should write out checks for a dollar each and then when I show up on Saturday I would give them twenty checks. Genius, right?

But Brian won this round. He suggested that maybe we should do that when we, hypothetically because it’s never going to happen, go to a strip club. Have a bunch of one dollar checks and tell the stripper that she can fill her own name in.

We’re special.

Overheard At Our House

Yesterday evening after putting Lorelei to bed at a shockingly early nine pm, Brian and I snuggled down in bed for some good ol’ fashioned cuddle time. You know what I mean, right? That time where you’re just lying there in the dark and whispering quietly about random and stupid stuff. I love cuddle time. So, for some reason, Brian was telling me just the punch lines to jokes. Potatoes! and Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. If you have ever been subjected to Brian telling these jokes, I’m sorry. So I come back with the groan worthy, A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘What is this a joke or something?’

As reigning champion of horrible jokes, Brian couldn’t let that slide and had to come back with his own. A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar and the priest asks the rabbi, ‘Have you have tried bacon?’ And the rabbi says, ‘Sure, once. Have you ever, you know, had sex?’ And the priests answers, ‘Once. Before I was ordained.’ The rabbi says, ‘Better than bacon, isn’t it?’ I’ll let you all groan for a second…

Done? Of course this joke lead to the question, “Sex with me is better than bacon, right?”

“Well, bacon is reeeaaally good,” I replied. And then I was craving bacon all night long.

The End