At the Edge
Of my sanity.
I am a strong self-sufficient woman, right? Well, perhaps not. I won’t lie, in the past eight and a half years (holy crap!), I’ve become pretty dependent on Brian. Not in a THE-WORLD-WILL-END-IF-HE’S-NOT-THERE kind of way, but I have gotten used to him being around to pick up the slack. And, let’s be honest, keep me from descending into a pit of depression and self-pity. He’s good at that sort of thing.
Unfortunately, he’s been gone since early Thursday morning. (Yeah, yeah. I know its only been five days, but this is the longest he’s been gone since Lorelei was born.) Thursday itself was not so bad. Fortunately for my flu-like self, baby was generally well-behaved and as inclined to sleep as I was. Friday sucked the big one. But I’ve already mentioned that and last night and this morning have pretty much killed me. I don’t know. Lorelei and I – or so I thought – had reached something of an understanding.
Up by nine, nap around noon, bed by eight-thirty. Oh no. That was just not going to happen.
So I yelled at my two-month old. I feel like a horrible horrible mother. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but she was just frustrating me so much. On top of which, the cats have been driving me crazy and I just really need a break. Five minutes to myself. Thank goodness Brian is home in about six hours because I don’t think I can make it much longer.