Monthly Archives: January 2010

Overheard At Our House

Yesterday evening after putting Lorelei to bed at a shockingly early nine pm, Brian and I snuggled down in bed for some good ol’ fashioned cuddle time. You know what I mean, right? That time where you’re just lying there in the dark and whispering quietly about random and stupid stuff. I love cuddle time. So, for some reason, Brian was telling me just the punch lines to jokes. Potatoes! and Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. If you have ever been subjected to Brian telling these jokes, I’m sorry. So I come back with the groan worthy, A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘What is this a joke or something?’

As reigning champion of horrible jokes, Brian couldn’t let that slide and had to come back with his own. A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar and the priest asks the rabbi, ‘Have you have tried bacon?’ And the rabbi says, ‘Sure, once. Have you ever, you know, had sex?’ And the priests answers, ‘Once. Before I was ordained.’ The rabbi says, ‘Better than bacon, isn’t it?’ I’ll let you all groan for a second…

Done? Of course this joke lead to the question, “Sex with me is better than bacon, right?”

“Well, bacon is reeeaaally good,” I replied. And then I was craving bacon all night long.

The End

Celebrating the Small Victories

I honestly never thought I would get this excited about making the bed. Or folding laundry. Or unloading/loading the dishwasher. But I am. Ridiculously excited. After a week of pure crap and the feeling of ice picks being hammered into my skull; today, I celebrate the small victories. The chores that actually get done, the baby who goes down easily for a nap, the legs that get shaved. (There’s a nice mental picture for you all, over a week’s worth of hair growth on my legs. Sexy.)

Tomorrow, when everything goes down hill again, I’ll be back to whining. But for today, I’m feeling good.

At the Edge

Of my sanity.

I am a strong self-sufficient woman, right? Well, perhaps not. I won’t lie, in the past eight and a half years (holy crap!), I’ve become pretty dependent on Brian. Not in a THE-WORLD-WILL-END-IF-HE’S-NOT-THERE kind of way, but I have gotten used to him being around to pick up the slack. And, let’s be honest, keep me from descending into a pit of depression and self-pity. He’s good at that sort of thing.

Unfortunately, he’s been gone since early Thursday morning. (Yeah, yeah. I know its only been five days, but this is the longest he’s been gone since Lorelei was born.) Thursday itself was not so bad. Fortunately for my flu-like self, baby was generally well-behaved and as inclined to sleep as I was. Friday sucked the big one. But I’ve already mentioned that and last night and this morning have pretty much killed me. I don’t know. Lorelei and I – or so I thought – had reached something of an understanding.

Up by nine, nap around noon, bed by eight-thirty. Oh no. That was just not going to happen.

So I yelled at my two-month old. I feel like a horrible horrible mother. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but she was just frustrating me so much. On top of which, the cats have been driving me crazy and I just really need a break. Five minutes to myself. Thank goodness Brian is home in about six hours because I don’t think I can make it much longer.

Blink Blink Blink

A blinking cursor. Mocking me. You don’t have anything interesting to say, it’s telling me. Who really wants to hear the mundane details of your boring little life?

Blink blink blink.

Sometimes, I listen to that annoying little cursor and I close my new post window without writing a single thing. Sometimes, I don’t.

I remind myself that this blog is as much for me as it is for anyone else. I want to be able to look back, many years from now, and remember what it was like. Remember when my daughter was just a tiny baby. Remember the mundane and stupid details of my life. Maybe I’ll never do anything truly spectacular. Maybe I’ll never publish a book. Maybe I’ll only be remembered as a mother. I’m trying to accept that. I still want to remember

In that spirit. A brief recap of this past weekend in bullet form
  • Lorelei completely freaked out on me Friday night. Everything I did made here scream. I would try to feed her, she would scream. I would change her, she would scream. I would try to put her in her crib, she would scream. I would hold her, she would scream. I was so close to losing it since I was at home by myself, but by some miracle and after many tears – hers and mine – she still was in bed by ten. Phew.
  • Saturday I managed to leave the house and run a few errands before noon. A miracle considering the night before. I also managed to do a bit of cleaning because…
  • Julie came over to knit. Whee! We watched Zoolander and Elf and Lorelei spent most of that time napping so I managed to get mostly done with one of my belated Christmas scarves.
  • Yesterday was pretty chill. Took a three hour nap – probably accounts for all the trouble I had getting baby to go to sleep last night – and then hung out with Desiree for a few hours.
  • It’s worth noting that I have some pretty awesome friends. They knew I was going to be pretty lonely and stressed with Brian being gone and me being sick (I’m much better now, thank you) and I had lots of offers for help and company.
  • Thirty-six hours till husband returns. I really miss him.

An Open Letter to the People of St Louis

Dear St Louis,

I loathe despise hate have generally negative feelings about you. Well. Not you. I like you as a city. You have such wonderful institutions like Companion and the Cupcakery and Mississippi Mud. My library is in an awesome old building and not old in that built in the 70’s way. And then there’s those Cardinals. I can even look past your pathetic excuse for a public transportation system. But there’s just something about you.

1) You have a complete disregard for traffic laws
Now, I have never claimed to be the best driver on the planet and I do speed and, occasionally, I will run a yellow light. But you seem to believe that 70 is not fast enough when the speed limit is 55. Or that 55 is not fast enough when there is still ice on the roads. You tailgate instead of passing until you can’t take it anymore and then you’ll whip around and cut people off. Or you’ll cut people off because you didn’t see the three signs for your off-ramp and have to triple lane change to make it. You run red lights. Like really run them. Not just it was yellow and then it turned red while you were in the intersection but it was red and the two cars in front of you also ran the light.

2) You think the street is a parking lot.
As in, instead of pulling over to the side of the road to drop someone off or wait to pick someone up, you just stop in the middle of the street. Frequently even if there is a space not ten feet away. And then when you see another car pulling up behind you, instead of moving you continue to have an argument with your baby mama in the middle of the street. You pull up at a stop sign and someone will run up to your car (probably to make a drug deal) and you completely disregard the fact that there is someone behind you at the stop sign. Now, I recognize it may seem like we’re in the suburbs because its mostly residences, but we’re not. This is still the city and the streets are too narrow for you to do that.

3) You honk your car horns too much.
Instead of getting out of the car and going up to someone’s house, you honk your horn. Repeatedly. Over a several minute period. Did you ever thank that perhaps they weren’t home or didn’t know it was them you were honking for? Perhaps you should just knock on their door.

4) You have arguments in the middle of the street.
Sometimes late at night. Like 3 in the morning late. Much like your car honking, is it really necessary to do this outside on your front porch or in the street? Wouldn’t it be better to go inside and fight with your baby mama.

5) You think it’s okay to blast your car stereo late into the night while your friends hang out in their front yard smoking weed.
I’ve told you this before. But not everyone likes rap music and not everyone wants it blasted at them from a car that is parked less than twenty feet from their house. And we especially don’t like it when you do it until midnight or later. And I can smell your weed. Seriously. Go inside and do that.

6) You invented Imo’s.
Seriously. That is the most disgusting pizza on the face of the planet. It is a sin against nature. Why would you do such a thing?

So I hope you’ll understand St Louis that I can only ever consider myself a temporary resident. I don’t think it’s wise for us to pursue a long term relationship since you and I both know I will always be on the look out for something better. I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship.


Bitch Bitch Moan Moan

Can I whine for a minute? Of course I can. This is my blog and if you don’t want to read my whining, you don’t have to.

I hate my body. Not that way I look – although there is room for improvement – but the way my body works. I can’t ever seem to catch a break. Every Christmas I get sick. Like really really don’t-wake-me-up-for-five-days-and-maybe-I’ll-be-better sick. It’s usually the flu or something flu-like – or in 2008, an intestinal parasite – but this year I got lucky and just had a very minor cold. Which, unfortunately, I gave to Lorelei. I thought, maybe getting that seasonal flu vaccine was a good idea and maybe I should do it again even though I don’t plan on being pregnant again for a few years. But, no! My body, she hates me. I’ve had a migraine-y type headache for the last couple of weeks; but I didn’t think anything of it because headaches are a common side effect of the medication I’m on and I figured my higher dosage was screwing with my system. Yesterday, I took my nap as per usual and Lorelei actually cooperated and slept for almost two blissful hours but when I woke up, I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I shrugged it off because my friend was coming over and we were going out for milkshakes (how very 1950’s of us) and I thought well maybe it’s just a sleep hangover. Does anyone else get those? Where you actually get a really good nap in but when you wake up you almost feel worse than before you went to sleep.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Felt like I was hit by a bus. Sore all over. My neck hurt. Etc etc. And then the chills came. Oh fun. My favorite part of being sick is the feeling of not being able to get warm enough and then sweating profusely. Fun. I kid you not I was under a down comforter a quilt and an extremely warm throw blanket and I was still freezing. And the shaking. Oh my god. I felt like…well, I felt like I did after giving birth, like a weak thing that could barely move.

On top of all this, Brian left this morning for a five day trip to Cleveland and Pittsburgh. So, feel like dying and husband gone and oh yeah two month old. Two month old who was a serious drama queen and didn’t fall asleep until 11 last night. Kill me now.

Oh. And said two month old spent most of this afternoon freaking out about something although I don’t know what and wouldn’t take an effing nap. Is it Tuesday yet?

Can I Gloat?

I have a freakin’ adorable daughter. She’s so curious and active and she loves her zebra. Stop growing up so fast!

There Are Moments

There are moments when I am paralyzed with fear. Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into? There are moments when I wish with all my might that I could rewind the last year because I am so not ready to be a mother. What the hell am I doing? I’m not working – a fact that I am sure many other mothers out there would damn me for – but I still find it hard to juggle everything. How do I take care of an infant and keep house and keep doing the things I love to do? I can count on one hand the number of hours I’ve had to myself since she was born. The longest stretch was when I went for a massage – with travel time a grand total of 2 hours – and I honestly felt guilty about it.

There are moments where I don’t feel like myself anymore. As if the only thing I am is a mother. I don’t want to deny that part of myself, and I recognize that being a mother is going to be huge part of my life. But that’s not all I am. I am a woman who loves to read, who loves to write, who loves to take photographs. A woman who loves to play stupid video games with her husband, who loves to watch stupid movies. Someone who loves to sit quietly with a cup of coffee (or tea) in a quiet coffee shop somewhere with a book or a laptop. Those things that I love don’t seem to fit in anymore.

I knew that it would be like this. I knew that I would have a much harder time adjusting than a lot of other women but this last week has been one of the roughest yet. I hide it pretty well I think. From everyone except for Brian. But sometimes I think he doesn’t know how hard it is for me. I cry.

Then there are these moments which make it all worth it. Which remind me how much I love baby Lorelei and how I couldn’t imagine my life being any different. It’s just going to take me some time.

Nine Weeks

Dear Lorelei,

Just a few hours ago, you officially became nine weeks old. Congratulations! I cannot believe it has already been two months since you were born, it feels like just yesterday I was lying in labor and delivery with my feet up in the air…wait, too gross. Moving on.

Little girl. Little peanut. Little bit. You awe me. Every single day. You are so curious about the world around you, always looking about. Right now you are attempting to knock over the toy bar on your Merry Monkey Gym. So cute. It feels weird to take you out places and it feels like people are always giving me weird looks, but you like it. Remember in the Climatron you made that weird cross-eyed face when we first got there. It was as if you were saying, “What is this shit?” Although, perhaps with slightly less vulgar language.

So. What has happened in the last two months. You met the majority of your relatives. Grandma and Grandpa Lewis were here just after you were born. They cooked and cleaned and helped mommy and daddy through those first few rough days when you were hungry all the time and refused to be put down. Then MaMaw and PaPaw were here for two and a half weeks. They cooked and cleaned too. And PaPaw held you a lot. He loved snuggling with his grandbaby. Then before Christmas we went to Toledo and you met your great aunts and great-grandma. You were such a good baby on the drive there, but the hotel really freaked you out. That first night you didn’t want to sleep because you were too busy crying.

You went to two – count ’em: two – Christmas parties. You were so well behaved and even let others hold you and play with you. Then you had your first Christmas. Although you slept through all of the gift opening, including the traditional one gift on Christmas Eve, at least you got snow on your first Christmas. And although mommy and daddy were both kind of sick we still had a good time. We even went to the Botanical Gardens the next day and daddy got to share his love of model trains with you.

What else? You’ve started to smile. All the time. It makes me so happy when you smile at me. This cute little grin. And you make the cutest little happy noises.

Time seems to be flying by. Fast forwarding. I can’t wait for you to start crawling and walking and talking and all that, but I’m really going to miss these first few months when you were so tiny and everything was new.

I love you so much,
Your Mother

Snow Day

I miss snow days. I miss the anticipation – watching the news channel to see if maybe, just maybe, my school would be among the ones closed. Then, after a blissful extra couple hours of sleep, my mother would awaken me. We would have bacon and eggs and biscuits. You know, the things we would only eat on the weekend because there was just no time in the morning. I would pull on my snow pants – you know, the oh-so-attractive overalls – and about five layers of shirts and long underwear and huge ski gloves. I would meet my friends Lily and Rachel (we all lived within walking distance of one another) and we would make snowmen or get into a snowball fight with our brothers. Building a fort. Maybe, if it was a really good snow, we would take trash bags and go sledding down the hill by Lily’s house. This was before they added the new development. Usually, one of us would end up in a ditch but we still did it. And then, after we had worn ourselves out and every piece of clothing was soaked through we would curl up on the couch at one of our houses (usually Lily’s because they were wealthy and had a bigger house) and one of our mom’s would make us hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and we would watch Disney movies. I miss snow days.

Today, we had an unofficial snow day in our house since Brian’s boss told them not to come in if the weather was bad. We snuggled at home. Had pancakes and drank coffee. Didn’t get dressed until almost noon. Baby and I snuggled in bed all afternoon and Brian worked on his laptop. It was glorious. But I can’t wait until I get to purchase snow pants for my own daughter and her and her friends get to build snowmen and get into snowball fights and ride trash bags down a hill. And I’ll be the mom who waits at home with hot chocolate and extra marshmallows, cookies and Disney movies.