Monthly Archives: January 2010
Yesterday evening after putting Lorelei to bed at a shockingly early nine pm, Brian and I snuggled down in bed for some good ol’ fashioned cuddle time. You know what I mean, right? That time where you’re just lying there in the dark and whispering quietly about random and stupid stuff. I love cuddle time. So, for some reason, Brian was telling me just the punch lines to jokes. Potatoes! and Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. If you have ever been subjected to Brian telling these jokes, I’m sorry. So I come back with the groan worthy, A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘What is this a joke or something?’
I honestly never thought I would get this excited about making the bed. Or folding laundry. Or unloading/loading the dishwasher. But I am. Ridiculously excited. After a week of pure crap and the feeling of ice picks being hammered into my skull; today, I celebrate the small victories. The chores that actually get done, the baby who goes down easily for a nap, the legs that get shaved. (There’s a nice mental picture for you all, over a week’s worth of hair growth on my legs. Sexy.)
Of my sanity.
A blinking cursor. Mocking me. You don’t have anything interesting to say, it’s telling me. Who really wants to hear the mundane details of your boring little life?
- Lorelei completely freaked out on me Friday night. Everything I did made here scream. I would try to feed her, she would scream. I would change her, she would scream. I would try to put her in her crib, she would scream. I would hold her, she would scream. I was so close to losing it since I was at home by myself, but by some miracle and after many tears – hers and mine – she still was in bed by ten. Phew.
- Saturday I managed to leave the house and run a few errands before noon. A miracle considering the night before. I also managed to do a bit of cleaning because…
- Julie came over to knit. Whee! We watched Zoolander and Elf and Lorelei spent most of that time napping so I managed to get mostly done with one of my belated Christmas scarves.
- Yesterday was pretty chill. Took a three hour nap – probably accounts for all the trouble I had getting baby to go to sleep last night – and then hung out with Desiree for a few hours.
- It’s worth noting that I have some pretty awesome friends. They knew I was going to be pretty lonely and stressed with Brian being gone and me being sick (I’m much better now, thank you) and I had lots of offers for help and company.
- Thirty-six hours till husband returns. I really miss him.
Dear St Louis,
Can I whine for a minute? Of course I can. This is my blog and if you don’t want to read my whining, you don’t have to.
There are moments when I am paralyzed with fear. Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into? There are moments when I wish with all my might that I could rewind the last year because I am so not ready to be a mother. What the hell am I doing? I’m not working – a fact that I am sure many other mothers out there would damn me for – but I still find it hard to juggle everything. How do I take care of an infant and keep house and keep doing the things I love to do? I can count on one hand the number of hours I’ve had to myself since she was born. The longest stretch was when I went for a massage – with travel time a grand total of 2 hours – and I honestly felt guilty about it.
I miss snow days. I miss the anticipation – watching the news channel to see if maybe, just maybe, my school would be among the ones closed. Then, after a blissful extra couple hours of sleep, my mother would awaken me. We would have bacon and eggs and biscuits. You know, the things we would only eat on the weekend because there was just no time in the morning. I would pull on my snow pants – you know, the oh-so-attractive overalls – and about five layers of shirts and long underwear and huge ski gloves. I would meet my friends Lily and Rachel (we all lived within walking distance of one another) and we would make snowmen or get into a snowball fight with our brothers. Building a fort. Maybe, if it was a really good snow, we would take trash bags and go sledding down the hill by Lily’s house. This was before they added the new development. Usually, one of us would end up in a ditch but we still did it. And then, after we had worn ourselves out and every piece of clothing was soaked through we would curl up on the couch at one of our houses (usually Lily’s because they were wealthy and had a bigger house) and one of our mom’s would make us hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and we would watch Disney movies. I miss snow days.